There’s one big injustice in life: good guys are almost always unlucky. And the good girls choose some shitheads who don’t put them in anything. It’s called «good guy syndrome.» Which proves that good is bad and bad is good.
There’s nothing wrong with being good. But the better you behave with others, the more they don’t care about you. Especially with girls. So you have to gather your will in your fist and show that you value yourself.
What to do:
Understand what «good» guys look like.
They believe that if they are good, caring, they will certainly be happy, loved and desired.
They agree to do things for girls that they wouldn’t normally do for someone else.
They try to avoid conflicts by agreeing to the girl’s opinion, even if they do not agree with him.
They try to help solve the problems that worry the girl. And they offer a solution first.
They’re looking for others’ approval.
They try to hide their own shortcomings and mistakes.
They always try to do everything «right».
They analyze more than they feel.
They think of themselves in the last place.
They’re quite dependent on their girlfriend.
Stop agreeing with everything and everyone. Doesn’t mean you have to argue about everything. It means that if someone hurts your point of view, you have to defend it. Especially when you’re looking at the reaction of people who find that you can stand up for yourself.
Stop pleasing everyone. Bend over only when it’s good for you. If people think you are a «good guy», they will be happy to use you to solve their own problems. So, avoid a parasitic relationship where you help everyone and get nothing in return. People should help you, too.
Learn to say «no». If you are asked to do something that is uncomfortable, you have every right to say no. You don’t have to be rude, you can just say that you don’t have time to do it. Or that you yourself are very busy. And if you have a sense of humor, then you can try to puzzle the person who is asking for your help. You can be sure he’ll run away from you by breaking his legs.
Build a border. Don’t let people disrespect you. Protect yourself. If someone is using your skills, you must punish the thief. You have to stop being friendly.
Pick your pace. Be patient with yourself and with others. At work, that means you only have to do as much as they appreciate. Not dragging a couple of lazybones with you. And in a relationship, you shouldn’t get attached too fast. It’s worth getting to know the man, knowing he’ll love you, too.
If you’re given more work than others just because you make it better. That’s a clear sign that you should ask for a promotion. Because it’s so common in Russia that one person works and others go to work for him. Stop putting up with it!
When you meet a girl, you don’t have to devote all your time to her. Spend time with friends, with colleagues at work. Do whatever you want, and let the girl adjust to you. It’s not rude, it’s right and it’s Hamish!
Remember, you don’t need anyone to be happy. It’s girls who get in trouble if they don’t get married before a certain age. And a man is still successful and loves himself, can always find a companion for one night or for life. If you think you need a couple to be happy, that’s all you think. Do what you think is right, no matter what others think. All you need for happiness is self-respect.
Keep being good. You can be a good guy who can show others that his opinion needs to be considered. It’s all about finding balance. If you can surround yourself with people who will reckon with you. Then you can be humble and strong at the same time.
So, as you already know what to be — work on your self-respect and courage.
You have to distinguish between love and love. You don’t have to elevate a girl and put her on a pedestal. It will only create problems in the relationship.
Start relaxing with your friends, and learn to communicate with girls. You need to understand the difference in communication between the girl you love and the girl you want. There’s a great difference in that.
Do not think that love is the highest value in the world. If you are unlucky with girls, you should pay attention to other components of a successful man: money and power.
What you need to know…
If you want to change overnight. You can’t just change your behavior. Change your clothes, change your communication style. Let people know that you’re already different. Otherwise, you may not be understood. Find the line between a good guy and a boor. The world is not divided into black and white, there are always additional shades.