How to maintain a relationship and not quarrel during quarantine
And in the normal course of life, you need to work on relationships. And now – even more so. Because of the pandemic, millions of families around the world have been locked in their homes and apartments. How not to quarrel if you are together all the time? We’ll talk about this.
Isolation with your loved ones would seem to be much better than alone. However, due to the need to be in a confined space 24 hours a day and 7 days a week, nerves become strained. The number of quarrels and scandals is growing inexorably. We have put together general recommendations that will help maintain harmonious relationships while jointly isolating any duration.
These tips come in handy for couples who generally have good partnerships. And between whom there is no deep disagreement, hidden grievances, psychological or physical violence. If your family has long had more serious problems than quarantine, it is always better to start solving them by contacting a psychologist. Even now you can take
online consultation or sign up for the future.
Why do we break down and how to avoid it
We think you are familiar with the concept of “personal boundaries.” Everyone has them. But, when you live in a society, the boundaries cannot be too narrow. They flexibly adapt to the environment where we spend the most time, and the family belongs to such. The closer the other person is to us, the wider we open the boundaries for him. But still there are limits, the intersection of which causes discomfort.
If in a pair the borders were originally built correctly, then maintaining them is not difficult, even in a stressful situation. And if compromise is needed, people will easily push personal limits.
Wider borders help us feel safe. Next to relatives, you can allow yourself the manifestations of weakness, any emotions, including negative ones. That is why most often the closest are the victims of our breakdowns. Since now everyone has become more nervous, there are more quarrels due to trifles.
And no, you do not need to hide emotions and feelings at all. On the contrary, they need to be shown. But to exercise correctly. So as not to touch other people’s borders. And the easiest way was and remains an open conversation. It is conversations that help build adequate boundaries. With the help of them, you can delicately stop loved ones if they cross the line.
Tips for Harmonious Relationships
- Talk and listen
If you do not express dissatisfaction and complaints for a long time, they accumulate, and then the flow of negative can no longer be stopped. Therefore, learn to pronounce any problems and inspire household members to do so. Discuss your fears, doubts and anxieties. Share your thoughts and expectations from the future.
To make the conversation easy and fruitful, follow a few rules:
Agree in advance when it will be more convenient for you to discuss everything. Everyone should be in a good mood, calm, attentive and involved;
prepare topics for discussion. You can even write on the sheet all the questions that concern you at the moment;
do not interrupt each other;
avoid harsh judgments and statements, especially on emotions;
use “I-phrases”: say not “You don’t understand me”, but “I feel incomprehensible”;
“Return the meaning” of what was said: after listening to the thoughts of another person, repeat everything in your own words, start with “I realized that you …” – this method helps to feel each other’s emotions;
express your disagreement, but calmly and constructively.
After the conversation, identify each other’s basic needs and how to satisfy them. Here, too, it will not be superfluous to describe in detail each item: what is most important for everyone, which framework cannot be crossed, and which – according to the circumstances. It can be an electronic or handwritten list, a poster, even a whole comic “set of rules” of your family.
These rules cannot be violated, but you can discuss them, modify, make changes – only together. Keep them in a prominent place during quarantine and re-read when the “passions” are heating up.
2. Create a convenient daily routine
While you are doing everything in four walls, you need to plan the day so that no one bothers anyone. Determine what matters someone takes how much time. And create individual schedules for everyone to be comfortable.
3. Find time for yourself
Both you and your household should have an inviolable personal time. Only for yourself, your hobbies and interests. To maintain peace of mind during a stressful period, it is very important to at least be alone with yourself and your thoughts throughout the day. This time can be scheduled or scheduled as needed. Try not to encroach on the space of loved ones, and they will answer you the same.
4. Find time for two
Those who are stuck in isolation together are somewhat easier. But, if you live with children or older relatives, you need to find the right balance. Spend enough time together. But it is also necessary to regularly highlight periods when you will be only together with the second half.
Children in general, it is very useful to observe a healthy relationship of parents, without quarrels and claims for nothing. Therefore, it is doubly important to remain calm and follow your home “set of rules.” To instill in the child the realization that adults have the right to privacy and privacy. And also to give such an opportunity to him.
5. Well-organized work
When you continue to work remotely, you need a convenient workplace and complete silence. The same goes for your partner. Even the smallest apartment can really be organized so that everyone has their own personal area. It must be equipped with maximum comfort. If you can interfere with each other, synchronize the charts to avoid this. Also try to separate the work area from the recreation and entertainment areas. To work more efficiently, set clear deadlines and do not get distracted by household chores. It is also important that you do not bother each other during working hours without a real need.
6. Periodically release steam
The tense atmosphere in society and gloomy news will escalate for a long time. Therefore, it is important to find a suitable way to get rid of negative emotions. Together or each alone, let off steam from time to time. Do not distract or judge each other. After all, it is simply necessary to discard the negative so as not to go crazy and interact normally. Something active, for example, sports, dances, helps. But you can choose any option that will help: hammer in nails, play games, sing, scream, just complain about everything that happens in obscene form. Determine the time and place appropriate for a strong manifestation of emotions. And leave everything bad in this moment, so that with a calm soul return to your usual routine.
7. Keep talking
Even if everything suits the list of rules and the schedule of both, some minor disagreements or worries can periodically arise and spoil the relationship. Don’t be silent if something bothers you. Share your emotions with your soulmate, offer your ideas and feel free to ask for a little more personal space. Also be attentive to the requests of your partner. Together you can find solutions to any problems or just calm each other.
What if nothing works?
All people are different. Everyone has their own habits, experience, adaptability to changes, reaction to stress. And for your couple, only one of these tips may work. Or not a single one will work. But this does not mean that the relationship is doomed. Other methods are just needed. However, the main conditions remain the same: both of you should be interested in the process. Open to dialogue and ready for change. It is cooperation and mutual understanding that will ensure an effective result: good partnerships, peace of mind at home and individual comfort of each family member.
Joint isolation is an ideal opportunity to take a fresh look at relationships within a couple. You will be able to detect all the “sharp corners” and potential problems. And there will be enough time to work through them and find a compromise solution. Most importantly, do not forget about the importance of your own and others’ personal boundaries, the effectiveness of frank conversations. And, of course, about love and mutual respect.