Probably, there are no married couples all over the world who would not face different conflicts within a family during their entire life together. But only some – successfully overcome these problems and continue to live in a happy marriage, while others – can not find a way out in this difficult situation, and it comes to divorce. And the statistics only confirms that there are more and more such couples every year. Almost every second marriage is on the verge of divorce.
The question is, why is this happening?
Because in the beginning, when you first got married, everything was fine. And now it’s like a wall of misunderstanding and indifference has grown between you. And it’s not that your other half has fallen in love with you. Although it happens. It’s just that before you did not notice his or her shortcomings, but now you’re increasingly paying attention to them, you start to get annoyed and it all ends with mutual reproaches and scandal.
In addition, before you had a lot of free time, and you could easily spend it together. And now you are mired in the daily routine, caring for children takes too much effort, and also problems at work and total despair. Life became boring and lost all its bright colors.
So what to do, how to save the family and prevent divorce?
Some of our advice will help you to do this, which is certainly not a panacea for all problems, but aimed at at at least a little adjustment of the climate in your family.
Honest talk. In order to understand the reasons for misunderstanding and constant scandals, you should sit down at the negotiating table. Talk to each other about what caused this situation in your family, but do it without shouting, complaints and mutual accusations. Keep your emotions in check – it will be only for the good. Honestly tell us what you are not satisfied with your partner at the moment, and also calmly listen to his opinion. Perhaps there is nothing wrong with it, and it can still be corrected.
Leisure time together. Have you forgotten the last time you spent your free time together? It is urgent to change everything. Yes, work, household, childcare – no one canceled. But it is possible to find some time for the other half as well. Instead of sitting at the TV in the evening, you can just walk around the city together or go to a cafe or movie, and children can still be taken care of by grandparents, or, in extreme cases, a nanny.
Common interests. It happens that the husband and wife have nothing to talk about with each other. All topics of conversation are reduced to everyday problems and upbringing of children. But before, you were so interested in communicating with each other. So what happened? Just now it seems to you that you already know everything about your partner, and began to take little interest in his current interests. Ask him what he likes now, what he is interested in. Then gather as much information about it as possible to be able to support the topic of conversation. Even if you are not interested in the topic at all, try to understand what is so fascinating about your partner. For example, if your husband is a fierce soccer fan, watch a soccer match with him, or go to the stadium and cheer together for his favorite team. You will be charged with the atmosphere that reigns there, and you will not be able to remain indifferent at the moment when the goal is scored.
The same advice also applies to men. Wonder what your wife is interested in. If she likes different objects of art, visit all kinds of exhibitions together. Expand the sphere of your interests. And then you will always have something to talk about.
Start a common hobby. You cannot be completely different people. Yes, we all change with age, but before something connected you. All you have to do is to remember what it is. Talk about what you would like to do together. And maybe you can find a compromise.
Pay more attention to your soul mate. Say more affectionate words to each other every day. Remember how you used to gently call your husband “dummy” and he called you “sunshine.
Talk about love. Sometimes it seems to us, why talk about it? After all, we all know that we love a friend. In fact, a person always has to make sure of this over and over again. If not, then doubts start to sneak in – “What if he(she) loved me? So more often you say that you love each other. And you do not want to fight after that.
Write each other love SMS messages with hints. You may have noticed that the longer you live together, the more your sms resemble an endless list of products. But this has never happened before. Add a little peppercornka to your messages, and your half will not stay indifferent to them.
Give gifts to each other. Do it just like that – for no particular reason. The main thing is to choose a gift with your soul. It will always surprise and pleasantly delight your soul mate.
Mutual help. Our women have taken over the whole farm themselves, but you can just allocate the right responsibilities. If in your family the cause of all conflicts is life (the husband does not help and constantly tells you that you are a bad hostess)? Ask him for help, but not in an ordered form, but tenderly, saying, “Dear, I can’t cope on my own” or “You’ll do it better”. And do not criticize him in any way, even if something is wrong. Otherwise, he will not help you anymore. It’s better to praise him. Men are very fond of praise. Do it often and at every opportunity. And then your husband will not want to leave a woman who sees him as perfect.
Variety in sexual life. You live together for a long time and sex has become monotonous and no longer causes a storm of emotions and passions? But, most often, all the problems in the relationship between husband and wife start from this very beginning. This discontent goes to all areas of life together. Try to diversify your sex, change the environment, time, try new poses. You can even play role-playing games. The main rule is not the same as always! Be brave, because with whom else you can experiment in bed, as not with your favorite person.
So, we have listed some tips that will help you establish relationships in the family.
The terrible word cheating
But it happens that the reason for the discord between husband and wife is cheating on one of the spouses. And in this case, it is very difficult to give any advice. After all, everything is individual! And it is up to you to decide whether to forgive or permanently remove this person from your life.
But first, you must honestly answer yourself one question – was there treason at all? If you can’t answer in the affirmative, then you have some other doubts. Perhaps you have invented everything yourself, you thought of something, or some acquaintances said something. You have the facts, if you don’t – it means that there was no cheating at all.
And your acquaintances, maybe they deliberately want to quarrel with you. With your unwarranted jealousy and suspicions, you yourself are pushing your partner into the arms of another. After all, if a person is accused every day of what he did not do – he will get bored, and he will dare to cheat, so that not in vain to listen to your reproaches.
But if everything, the fact of treason, as they say, on the face, and you intend to save your marriage from divorce, then you will have to try to forget all the insults and never remember them again. It is difficult, but you need to do it in order to save your family from ruin. We can give just a few recommendations on how to proceed in this difficult situation.
Tips for women
If your husband has cheated on you – do not remind him every day, do not drink and do not reproach him at every opportunity. If he stayed with you, it means that you still mean something to him. Think about it, maybe he has a mistress because of the constant scandals with you. And he wanted at least a little rest from the constant screams. Any person will not leave a place where he feels good. And if peace and tranquility reigns at home, your husband will always be with you.
Take care of yourself. Start caring for your body, sign up for a sports club, do a new hairstyle and update your closet. Be different as always. Surprise your husband.
Find yourself an interesting activity. And then you just will not have time for senseless jealousy and claims to your husband. In addition, women who are always busy with something, who have a lot of interests – always arouse admiration for men.
And one more tip – if you decide to repay your husband with the same coin (change him with another man), first think a thousand times. Men in most cases do not forgive cheating on women. According to statistics, 85% of them, without hesitation, leave their wives, even if they were not sinful.
Tips for men
If you belong to those 15% of men who are willing to forgive their beloved treason, then these recommendations are for you.
Pay more attention to your wife. After all, if a woman has decided to cheat, then there are very good reasons for this. Perhaps, she does not feel wanted near you, and therefore tends to get it on the side. Give your wife flowers, say compliments, surround her with warmth and care. Let her feel like a queen.
Forgive her treason. Perhaps it was an accident and she deeply repents.
Add romance. If you think this is all nonsense, and you do not need it? Then take it for granted, a woman likes to be conquered. And it does not matter how long you are already married. More often, give her pleasant surprises, candlelight dinners, unexpected gifts, etc.
And now a general advice for all couples who have difficulties in the family – go on a romantic journey together. Let the first place be your love for each other, not the everyday troubles.
Try in any way to keep the peace, well-being and good relations in your family.
If you can’t cope with your problems, a family psychologist can help you. Sober look from the outside and the independent opinion of a qualified specialist will help you to understand the situation.
And in no case do not tell your relatives and friends about your problems between you. Their intervention will only exacerbate the conflict. And most importantly, remember that your children are the first to suffer from your scandals and quarrels! And it is worth changing for their sake!