We all live in society. Unfortunately, not all people have a detailed understanding that their betrayal can deeply and seriously hurt. Surviving the betrayal of a loved one is a serious ordeal. Getting through it with dignity is a very difficult task.
Take away the anger. It prevents sober reflection. If you were betrayed, the first thing you felt like a huge lump of resentment propped up your throat and does not allow you to breathe normally. After that you were filled with rage and anger. We have already written about how to control your rage and aggression, so we recommend reading that article and finishing this one.
It’s hard to realize, but no one is safe from the betrayal of loved ones. Husbands cheat on their wives and wives cheat on their husbands. Cheating is the most common, but by no means the only form of betrayal. It is a harsh and brutal reality. It is difficult to say clearly why and why people cheat on each other. Some because of their own stupidity, some because of their own weakness. However, cheating is not that scary. It is even normal in our society!
Statistics vary from source to source. Thus, some resources cite statistics, according to which 76% of men at least once cheated on their second half. For women, the figure is only 26%. Of these 76% of “cheaters,” the number of men who constantly cheat on their wives is 60%, and among women 40%.
There are betrayals on financial grounds. This is much rarer, but only because the good part of the population does not have much capital. Human greed knows no boundaries, so not everyone could resist the tempting opportunity to rob another person of his or her money.
All in all, whatever the betrayal, the bottom line is the same – you are not as dear to that person as you thought you were. Statistically speaking, betrayal is quite rare without recurrence. If a person deceived and betrayed you once, your chances of being deceived by them again increase exponentially.
Only a select few people know how to draw conclusions from their bad deeds. Sometimes it even seems that some people have lost their conscience and reason. This fact should be considered if you decide that this person can and should be forgiven.
If you do decide to forgive the person his betrayal, the continuation of this article will be quite useful to you. I will describe the example of adultery, because it is an accessible and therefore popular betrayal.
How to forgive the betrayal and continue to live the same life
Adultery. Bitter word. A wounding event. Heavy feelings: humiliation, abandonment, bitterness, loneliness. No matter who cheated: a spouse, a friend, a parent, a child. The sudden discovery and realization that you’re not the only one and not the best, can knock you out for a long time, especially if we made a big “bet” on this person. What exactly do most people consider cheating?
What people consider cheating. A statistical survey
First, clearly define for yourself why you have decided that this person needs to be forgiven. Perhaps you love him and want to give him a second chance. That’s wise and worthy. Or maybe you feel sorry for him. Pity someone who has forgotten how to appreciate a warm human relationship? That sounds like masochism to me. Although, there’s another possibility that you’re not so clean yourself. You yourself are cheating. Then why do you need such a couple where everyone is looking for something on the side? It’s obviously a sick relationship that doesn’t even need to be treated. It’s like trying to revive a corpse. Theoretically it is possible, but in practice no one has succeeded. If a man loves with all his heart, he can’t change in his right mind.
If you do decide to forgive, it will be better not to remember the incident. Memories will only provoke you to anger towards the guilty person. Anger is always unnecessary.
1 ⇒ Ignoring your feelings and worries is impossible. You must urgently find a way to vent all the negative energy and anger. It is desirable that no one is hurt by it. I can recommend to collect bottles and shoot them, if possible. You can just beat them out. It helps.
2 ⇒ Remove anything that may remind you of the person who once betrayed you.
3 ⇒ Pretending nothing happened is stupid. So, you definitely need to collect your thoughts and willpower to organize a dialogue with the person “heart to heart”. It is better to say all at once (in the most cultural form), than to strain at the drop of a hat. This is sure to help.
4 ⇒ Try to find the reason for the cheating. This can avoid a recurrence. It may well have been from lack of attention on your part or your rudeness.
5 ⇒ Once again, weigh everything carefully. Are you ready for a general “work on mistakes.” This is quite a difficult and long process.
6 ⇒ Make a final decision and announce the outcome to the betrayer.
I would like to add that if you see the way the person really regrets what he or she did, all is not yet lost. Everyone has the right to make a mistake. If he feels guilty, he will be willing to do a lot for your forgiveness.
On the other hand, if he doesn’t take steps to meet you, but continues to live his life or goes into “Victim Mode” (I had nothing to do with it. I’m a bad person and blah, blah, blah), then he most likely has not learned anything from what happened. There is a huge risk of being betrayed again. Do you need that?