Inferiority complex: how to deal with it?
And you’ll have such confidence in yourself that…
girls will start throwing themselves at you – they all dream of a confident man.
To the itching and grinding of your teeth. They can’t sleep at night. That’s the way nature ordered it.
What kind of men do women like? Smart men? Yes. Are they strong? No doubt about it. Beautiful? Undoubtedly. But a penny’s the price of all your virtues, if you’re not sure of yourself. On the contrary, all very ordinary people achieve unexpectedly high results thanks to confidence alone. This happens, for example, when we are dealing with easily suggestible and not too pretentious ladies. But is it so easy to find this notorious confidence? If you do not hesitate to answer this question positively, I congratulate you. You don’t have to read any further. Don’t waste any more time! Go and meet some cool girls. You’re gonna make it.
And while our more confident comrades enjoy life, we, my shy reader, will talk about the evil of the day.
Remember one case from your life: you stand on the street and want to meet a girl you like. “You have to come up with confidence, you have to start with a calm look, and it’s all about the hat!” – …notices your inner voice. And what’s that? Exactly nothing. You continue to stand confusedly like the last burdock. Do you think it’s wise to walk up and speak with your tongue? Send her to hell, and don’t give a damn about her! Sounds like a logical thing to do. But at the same time, there’s something inside you that keeps you from moving. Doesn’t let you get close to a beauty, causing such panic, as if you were standing on the edge of the roof of a multi-storey building. This is an inferiority complex – your number one enemy. He sucks so much blood out of you every day and every hour that even the most notorious vampire would choke on you. He closes your mouth with a firm hand and turns your speech into a confused mumble. He unceremoniously throws pockets of indecision on all your dicks and, with the pathos of a sadistic mother, tramples your early self-esteem into the mud.
I’m in a hurry to calm you down: you’re not alone in your unhappiness. Most of humanity is amazed by this disease, although not everyone is ready to admit it to himself.
You don’t have to go far for examples. A friend of mine plays the guitar quite well, he has good hearing and a wonderful voice. But all this does not do him any good: he can not sing fully. Why not? The young man is shy, pathologically shy. And, worst of all, he really wants to look as brave as a real man, and so even more afraid to discover his embarrassment. So what’s going on with my good buddy? The answer is simple: in his impudent head everything is impertinently tucked in by a gone beast – a nasty parasite called “inferiority complex”.
However, I would like to find out: how does this ugly virus get into the body? Not sexually – that’s for sure (my friend is a virgin). Rather, on the contrary: any failure, remaining in memory, “programs” a person for new failures. We all have much more than we would like, an experience of crashing hopes, which we all claim at the most inopportune moment.
“You won’t succeed,” whispers the inferiority complex to you, only you’ll look at a pretty woman, “you’ll be fooled again, and everyone will laugh at you!” You’re trying to argue, but he’s flippin’ addin’: “or has this never happened to you?” “It really did,” you remember. Why is that? The hell with him! But it did! And the repetition of an idiotic situation, oh, I don’t want to! But the grain of doubt has already fallen in the humus of ambition and cowardice. A vicious circle is formed: the more you want to get rid of indecision, the more afraid you are of not coping with it. When your embarrassment becomes visible to others, you are lost, and – it’s in the hat. It’s not yours. The inferiority complex once again comes out victorious, further consolidating its position, the legitimacy of which it has long since and does not think to doubt. Chain reaction, that’s all! It’s like a nuclear explosion!
Yes, this scoundrel should not be underestimated. Sometimes he can discover excellent cunning, subtly luring inexperienced young men into his vile nets.
The despicable cheater puts upside down any of your actions, forcing you to see yourself as if in an enchanted mirror, grotesquely inflating real and imaginary flaws and mercilessly turning inside out the last advantages. He persistently imposes his twisted judgments on you, skillfully passing them off as truth in the last instance.
Whole layers of negative experiences – from fear and indecision to shame and remorse – are the essence of the fruit of his efforts.
So how can a miserable man, who is complexed to the brain of his bones, stay till the end of his miserable days in nightmare and groundless torments and die a chronic loser without starting to live and knowing what a normal existence is? I’d hate to. There are only two alternatives to that. The first and easiest is to commit suicide immediately. The second is a little more complicated, but what is the point of it, of course, you have already guessed. I haven’t? Well, then read it carefully, buddy, just remember it well.
“Whoever comes to us with the sword will die” – that’s what Alexander Nevsky seemed to say. Well, and the one who tries to unburden us, we ourselves will circle a finger! As I have already said, the inferiority complex is an unsurpassed trickster, skillfully playing on imperfection of human psyche. But you’re not a bastard, either, deceive a cracked lectern!
First of all, you have to rip the main trump card out of his hands. And make it easy: let yourself worry. He is a simpleton – not ready for such a turn of events, thinks that you will spend the rest of your life with donkey stubbornness to climb straight. The naive kid – he seriously expects that you will always strictly prohibit yourself to look timid and shy. Well, that’s a joke. You’re the master of your life, and you can have anything. Anything at all. Including looking whatever you want. But you want to be a superman, totally relaxed “cool macho,” which you can’t miss, right? Yes, you do. But not right away, but gradually. You just have to be patient and accept that for a while you will be worried about nothing, and to this, as well as everything bad, but not depending on you, just change your attitude. It’s like bad weather. You don’t doubt it’s gonna rain sooner or later. When it’s another question, even the forecasters don’t know the answer (or they do, but they don’t speak). But it will end!
The other point. When you’re accused of being cowardly, do you feel awkward? Well done! But in this case the question arises: maybe there will be such smart people who will blame the computer for the bad quality of the program entered into it? I think it’s a direct analogy. Do you still identify yourself with your timidity and empty feelings? Wrong. Remember: you are a normal, full-fledged man who is not afraid of anything; you don’t owe anyone anything and you don’t positively care about the opinions of others. You know your price, and you won’t let anyone run it down. The only reason for all your misunderstandings is some kind of supernatural parasitic worm inferiority complex that has infiltrated you. But the days of the villain are already numbered.
Confront yourself with him. You are you; he is him. Let him push if he wants to. All his successes are momentary and transient. You are smarter than him and you will not let yourself be carried out, for now you know his weak spot: more than anything in the world he fears inattention to his person. His Achilles’ heel is at your fingertips. He’s already fluttering, he’s pathetic and funny. So, pull the trigger, don’t feel sorry for the bastard! – Do what you need to do and don’t think about how relaxed you look. Ignore him completely, he doesn’t even deserve your contempt. He doesn’t exist to you at all! Act as you think necessary, and if you start to feel psychological discomfort, treat him as a temporary phenomenon, as an ordinary cold, and everything will go by itself. Stop being afraid of your own fear and he will lose power over you. He’ll be devastated. He’s gonna lose it. He’ll get panicked.
Always act quickly and decisively. Fast is crucial to you. And not just because while you’re standing there scratching your ear, the favorable situation can change. It’s because you’re capable of much more speed than an intruder in between your excuses. While he’s gathering his thoughts, you’ll be in the role of an emancipated man. With your confident behavior (even if it is accompanied at first by a slight excitement) you will be able to inspire real confidence, hypnotize yourself and others.
Yes, it may not be easy at first. But you don’t leave a splinter in your finger just because it hurts to take it out. Yes, it hurts, but it’s necessary.
Always leave it to yourself to fail. With calm indifference turn away from all unpleasant things; be calm; have self-esteem; be above petty experiences. Nothing should take you out of balance. Never, under any circumstances.
And do not scold yourself for anything! All he does is sit and wait for such suitable moments to rise again to full height and to imprison you in a psychological cell. Don’t give him that opportunity!
Don’t let him control your self-esteem. It is yours and completely in your hands. Hold it in your nose: you like yourself for who you are. You’re quite satisfied with your appearance, your mind and your physical development. Not in the sense, of course, that you don’t have to work on yourself. There’s no limit to perfection, of course. But is it so necessary to demand from yourself the barely possible?
Do you still think that you can’t approach any aunt on the street (the variant when she is accompanied by a ten-point hero doesn’t count)? You’re a stubborn kid! Will your legs dry out? Or is your belly button going to untie? What threatens you with polite treatment of a pretty girl? Exactly nothing! It’s just that you’ve been listening to the nasty voice of your stupid complex again, even though I’m about to have my keyboard buttons erased while I’m explaining to you for the tenth time that you shouldn’t do that. Whoever’s holding you back is no scarier than a cockroach from a famous children’s fairy tale and no more majestic than a naked king. He just takes you to your liking, and you’re stupid. If you like a woman, come immediately. It doesn’t matter if you chicken out or not. In any case, over time, emotional experiences will be forgotten, and the fact that you managed to get close to a strange girl, will remain in memory as a real confirmation that such actions are quite accessible to you. Besides, I am absolutely convinced that you will not be beaten or bitten, having received an extra proof of nonsense and absurdity of all your fears. Believe me, the more such evidence you accumulate, the harder it will be for your “crony friend” complex of inferiority to resist the freedom of his master. Understand: the most important thing is to act, to act without looking back. Or do you still find yourself a grain of wheat?
Get to know your loyal allies. The first of them is a sense of humor. His enemy is scared like fire. Soak up your interest in life, find exciting things to do and you’ll have less time to think about stupid things.
By the way, I almost forgot! I’ve been wanting to tell you a secret for a long time: all those whose eyes you don’t want to be so foolish, your appearance and embarrassment worry much less than you think. They themselves are living and weak people, maybe even more complex than you.
If you have read all this text carefully, I am sure that very soon the parasite living inside you will be completely over.
Act fast, and he won’t have time to cast his vote. Laugh at him, and he’ll be silent. Learn to always feel like an undivided master of the situation. Always hold the initiative in your hands. Don’t give it to other people, not by chance, not your laziness, not your senseless principles and prejudices, not… you know, to the one who’s most desperate to take it.
That’s all I had to tell you on the subject. Now all I want to do is summarize it.
So, in order to successfully fight against the inferiority complex, you must first deeply penetrate the following ideas:
You are a normal, full-fledged man who is not afraid of anything.
You don’t owe anyone anything and you don’t care about the opinions of others.
You’re allowed to do anything. Including looking whatever you want.
You like yourself the way you are.
You’re smarter than he is and you won’t let yourself go.
Sneak in? Now, I recommend that you adopt the following techniques:
Let yourself worry.
Confront yourself with him.
Treat him as a deliberately temporary phenomenon.
Stop being afraid of your own fear.
Don’t let him control your self-esteem.
Always reserve the right to fail.
Laugh at him.
Do what you need to do and don’t think about how relaxed you look.
Be the master of the situation.
If you like a woman, come immediately.
Always hold the initiative in your hands.
Act fast and decisively.
Practice as much as you can. Hone your skills to be brave.
Be calm and nonchalant.
Don’t swear at yourself.
And believe me, it’ll only be difficult at first. Then it’ll go like butter.