The Pickup Manner of Correspondence on Dating Sites
Pickupers usually correspond impersonally and try not to use their first names. A pickup will never write, “Hello, Masha!” or “Hello, Natasha. He will just write “Hello” and immediately offer to switch to “you”, regardless of the age difference. Next, he will also address you without your name: “You…” or “Let’s…”. He will write your name rarely and not at the beginning of the dialogue. For example, he may write: “Good night, Katya,” when he wants to be the first to finish the correspondence. But he will never start a dialogue with your name, because it subconsciously pressures him, as if he needs you. And the pickup artist shows independence, detachment. He can even skip the “you” by constructing phrases. For example, writing, “Would you like ….?” Also, he won’t use diminutives, adjectives, or baby talk.
A pickup artist will never write, “You’re cute/beautiful/nice/bunny….,” especially at the beginning of an encounter. And he won’t just jump in with compliments. But, of course, these are all conventions, and pickup artists, knowing that girls read books and watch videos about pickup tricks, may intentionally write the name and sweet words to disorient a girl so that she does not think that he is a pickup artist. I’m writing about the classic behavior of “alphas,” and it should be evaluated as a whole, not by individual words or manners. Usually women, not having waited from the picker to admire their beauty, can’t stand it and ask themselves, how do they like him? Then he gives them one beautiful compliment, and then restrains them again, not overfeeding them.
By the way, girls should also take note of this and not open up too quickly, not write to men in the first letters: “Sasha!…”, “Seryozha!…”, “You are so cool! /beautiful/tan…”, as if you were asking them to come to bed right away.
If the girl writes a lot, talks about herself, or just describes stories, the picker doesn’t respond in kind. He answers neutrally or jokes with one line, he doesn’t ask questions and doesn’t want to continue in the same vein. That is, he again demonstrates aloofness. He only asks questions about sex and the girl’s men, if you can tell that from her stories. Also, he may ask if she is looking for a normal relationship or just a lover/cov, thus hinting that he is relationship-minded and jealous.
The pickup artist will write little about himself, only the most general information and only in response to the girl’s questions, he will rarely express emotion or joke. But if the girl will amuse the pick-up artist, will be supportive and joke back. Pickupers are adept at using emoticons, they like to show fun or poutiness with emoticons. They often use brackets))) to create a joking mood and the ellipsis…to create ambiguity. But this is not necessary, ellipses and brackets are used by many, and smiley faces are sometimes used by ordinary men in such quantity that a girl feels uncomfortable with the stars, hearts and lips with which their suitors are swamped. Pickupers usually do not go overboard with emotions.
A pickup artist will only write attractive information about himself in the beginning of an acquaintance or in a questionnaire, such that he will definitely look like a “valuable prize” in the eyes of the girls. He will explicitly write or denote with a photo that he is rich, athletic, sexy and in demand, leads an interesting lifestyle, travels, has hobbies. This may be true, but the very presentation of this information will be very confident, like a shot that fights the girl off with the comprehensive attractiveness of the man. Usually, alpha pickers do not hesitate to list their virtues in dating and demonstrate that they do not suffer from false modesty, if they are good, then what is there to hide. Other types of pickup artists can behave more modestly and give out information about their merits gradually, can even deliberately put on a cap and pretend to be modest and simple, and then surprise the girl with their beautiful image, high status, relaxedness and sense of humor. In any case all pick-up artists will write and talk about themselves only that increases their rating, increases their importance. Modesty is also a good quality, so a picker can say that he leads a modest lifestyle, it does not prevent him from being a successful womanizer.
Pickers will never complain about life, but they can complain about women that they love them too much or that they can be mercenary. A pick-up artist won’t force anything on a girl, communicating with him is usually easy and pleasant at first. The manner of communication is advantageous compared to other men. At the same time, it is characteristic of pickupers to freely write to the girl: “You are wrong…”, “You are wrong…” to demonstrate independence and unwillingness to adjust to her. Pickup artists also like to use “No” in their responses, showing that they are principled and can easily refuse others. Often pick-up artists write or imply that they control, lead, or are above others. They are not being ordinary people.
It is also characteristic of pickup artists that they usually write about the relationship themselves in the first letters, but formally. For example, they may write that they are looking for a young, educated, fun, for meetings, travel, restaurants, exhibitions and theaters. And, of course, sex). And ask, “Would you like to start such a relationship?” Girls should understand that of all of the above, only sex is waiting for them if they agree to such a “relationship.” Also, pickup artists often write right in their profiles or in their first letters that they take care of the material expenses or that a man should help a woman financially in their opinion. But it doesn’t come to that. Pickup motto: get sex with different girls at minimal cost.
Pick-up men look and act more interesting than others, but only if you don’t know that it’s all tricks, elaborate behavior. Next will start processing your subconscious, “closer and farther away”, mood swings and bullying by ignoring, in general, the whole pickup artist’s set of tricks and manipulations to lure a girl home and not to spend money on a restaurant and other courting. For the picker crucially important that the woman herself wanted sex with him and asked him for it, that is, to the point where she did not need him for anything but sex. Pickupers with a low social status can sometimes give in to a girl and at least pay a little attention to her if they really like her. High-status pickup artists and “masters,” that is, professionals and veteran pickup artists, will not back down from their principles, even for a girl who is very beautiful and attractive to them. They take care of their self-esteem, and if a girl does not show interest, they will not pursue her. They also do not tolerate manipulation of their own address. The “right kind of bees” are better for them.
It must be said that pick-up artists greatly overestimate the degree of their intellectual superiority over women. This is a consequence of their belief in their image and a consequence of their blind obedience to the rules of pickup. For example, one wrote that if he met a woman who could think outside the box, he would marry her immediately and suggested (what would you think?), of course, to come straight to him, discarding all conventions. To which I replied that I met a bunch of pickup artists on this site with conventional thinking, I did not want to get married. The other wrote that he was looking for commitment-free sex because there is no other kind of sex! To which I replied that there is sex for love, but if love is a burden of commitment for him, then he had better buy a rubber doll. No strings attached, sex whenever you want it. Another wrote that he unsuccessfully tried to find a normal woman without complexes on this site, capable of impromptu lovemaking. To which I replied that I am quite normal and very much like impromptu, especially I like to seduce and unexpectedly send pickers.
You can joke around and flirt with pickup artists all you want if it amuses you, but you shouldn’t date. It’s very important to have an unequivocal attitude toward the pickup and the particular pickup artist. Otherwise, he will realize that you still want to play with him, even though you understand his nature, and will beat you because you will get carried away with the game and may fall in love, and even if you don’t, there will still be an unpleasant residue of the pointlessness of this game. And if you expose him, he will unequivocally say that there is something wrong with you. He may say that this is the first time he hears about pickup and doesn’t know what it is.
I had a long correspondence with a wealthy pick-up man, a bachelor, an entrepreneur living on Rublevka, first in my real status, then in the image of a made-up playful 28-year-old sabmissive girl Katya and then in the image of a confident, attractive 35-year-old married woman. He called everyone home at once, used NLP and other manipulations, and I tried to seduce him to the restaurant, but to no avail. The pickup artist never asked any of them out on a normal date. I didn’t know he was a pickup artist at first, texted him for interest, couldn’t figure out why he was so avoiding dating. It was only later that I guessed that he is apparently a “pickup master” and it is a matter of “honor” for him to get a girl without cost. I describe my history with him and give my correspondence with the analysis of his tricks in a separate book “The Story of One Failed Pickup”. It was after I met him that I started a few profiles and started playing to get back at him too, and then I figured out pickup and started writing about it.
Pickupers often use ignoring their victims for a certain amount of time to increase their interest. They have ignore for 2-3 days, for 7 days, for 21 days. 21 days is the deadline when it is considered that if during this time the “target” (the victim) has not been active, has not called, has not written herself, then she can “snap”, i.e. switch to something else and get out of the picker’s control. I do not know who determined this and why exactly 21 days, maybe it is related to the experiments of physiologist Pavlov IP on the formation of the habit in 21 days, or maybe for other reasons, but this is a benchmark for men in pickup. Therefore, if the girl is not active and does not write or call, the picker, if he continues to play with her, can disappear for 21-25 days, and then, as if nothing had happened, write.
For example, I met one pickup who called me on the first day and we talked for over an hour. He said he really wanted to ask me out and that he really liked my voice, but that he would be gone for a few days and that we would meet up right away when he got back. Then we corresponded with him for a couple of days, and during the correspondence he wrote a lot about how passionate he was and that I wouldn’t have to miss him. Then he disappeared. I texted him a few days later. He replied that he was staying somewhere else in another city for work and that he would come in a week and would definitely meet me. A week went by and he still hadn’t shown up. Well, I didn’t write him any more either. And here in 21 days (I have already found this correspondence and have counted) this man of pickup writes to me, as though nothing has happened: “As you dear?” I definitely took it as impudence and disrespect and immediately blew him off. I did not even begin to find out why he had not written for so long. He turned out to be a hot-tempered and aggressive. He wrote me some swear words. And I was glad I did not get in touch with him.
Pickup artists are different in character and temperament, but they all apply their stupid rules in exactly the same way. There is and can be no reason in this day and age for a man not to find an opportunity to write or call a woman he is interested in.
The timing of sudden pickup trips is also standard: a week or 3 days. And sometimes, like the pickup above, first 3 days, then another week. The business trips themselves and other circumstances are more often made up by pickup artists to keep girls waiting and thinking about them. The girls usually lack patience and begin to rush things themselves, they write to the picker if he does not write. And it’s better not to do this, then men’s motives will become clear. Girls need to be restrained and aloof in order to screen out pickups. If a man does not write, it means he does not want to. Wrote after a long pause, then the picker wanted to force his girlfriend to run after him, but it failed. If after such an artificial pause you calmly continue your correspondence with the picker without showing your awareness that he is a picker, you will soon see that he will start to flirt again and try to get you to emotion or somehow motivate you to run after him yourself.
Pickupers can’t just ask a girl out directly and specifically, it insults their “dignity” as an “alpha male”. In their fantasy world, females do not want them, they go crazy and rush to them, especially after the “alpha male” has condescended and wrote or called, that is, made it clear that he does not mind.
Today, the girls also became sophisticated in seduction, they go to all sorts of trainings and courses to learn how to attract a man. Psychologists explain to girls that if a man behaves like a passive male, lazily responds only to sex proposals, this means that she has not managed to interest him, and offer various tricks of behavior, image and communication to arouse interest. That is, again, they offer to bend to pickpockets and try to shake them up.
And now imagine that every other man is a pick-up artist, and if not a professional at it, he has read books. For example, the books of the Men’s Movement, which is the ideological basis of pickup. After reading books by Vis Vitalis, Anatoly Protopopov and other “figures” of the Men’s Movement, I realized that any move, any offer and any behavior of a woman, these “men” regard as manipulation. A woman has no room for flirting, coquetry, free communication. Everything will work against her. Refuses sex – wants to put a price on herself. Offers sex – wants to enslave the man and get him hooked on sex with herself. Shares her hobbies – wants to drag the man into her world. Behaves secretly, silent – portrays mystery with self-serving purposes, etc. Therefore, any attempts by a woman to entice, to simply communicate, to discuss whatever, will be perceived by the pick-up man as your wriggling to drag him into his world and enslave him. He will scoff at this and bend his line, screwing you over with his manipulation and ignoring you. So don’t even try to woo the picker, you will look pathetic and ridiculous in his eyes.
Do not write to the picker, do not ask questions, do not ask when you will meet and why he does not write. On the contrary, the less your interest, the sooner you will attract him according to the rules of pickup. But you are the only one who doesn’t need his interest at all. These men are not interesting if you understand their techniques and psychology. They are very funny themselves.
For example, I noticed that pickupers like to visit the page of a woman they ignore after an unsuccessful flirt or her question about a restaurant, and as if to remind about themselves also after a week, two or 21-25 days, which can be easily checked by the date of the last correspondence. This can be compared to how a girl sometimes twirls around in front of a man to get his attention. Pickup artists expect that when they see him again, the woman will text them, ask them something or suggest something, and sometimes it works if the woman was really interested in meeting. She writes something to the picker and the flirting resumes. That’s the kind of girly tactic these “alphas” have.
I also met pickupers who initiated communication themselves, and after a couple of neutral questions-answers suddenly stopped suddenly, without answering the last question, and then came to my page a week later, reminding me about themselves. This is a variant of the pickup tactics of men with sadistic tendencies who catch masochists on the site. They expect to hurt a woman with their unexpected ignoring, and she’ll want to restore her self-esteem by continuing to communicate. Some even give the woman the cold shoulder in the first few emails.
For example, one picker asked me what I thought of his picture? He was in profile, wasn’t smiling and seemed sad. I wrote that he looked distraught after a loss. He wrote, “In this picture I am absolutely happy!” And he went silent. It’s a technique that demonstrates to a woman that she’s not perceptive, not subtle, can’t see the obvious things, etc. And there is nothing to object to this. It leaves an unpleasant feeling, and the picture of the pickup artist is etched in the memory because of the dissonance. The woman wonders why the sad and in profile man is perfectly happy and how could you see that from the photo? The pickup man has managed to catch the woman’s attention and from then on he can continue the game or the masochist herself will continue to correspond with him and try to find out why he is so “mysterious”.
There are types who visit the page many times, sometimes placing a woman in the favorites. But if a woman writes to them, they may not respond. Maybe these men thus feed their illusions, imagining that they could have a lot of women if they wanted to, but they are just too lazy to flirt and woo?
Girls should remember that very often, not always, of course, but often, when a man suddenly, for some reason does not answer your question during an ordinary correspondence on the site, he is very likely a picker, he focuses your attention on himself in this way. Next, he is waiting for you to catch on to this and begin to clarify something from him, asking why he is silent. To him this will be a sure sign that you are on the hook, that you are his slave, that you can be played with.
Normal people who do not have any claims to you, will not randomly cut off the dialogue, if you, of course, did not hurt them. After all, you can always politely withdraw from any even onerous or boring dialogue. So this behavior of the man, most likely, should be assessed as an act of aggression, a desire to suppress you and put you in a dependent position to him. He is at best an uncultured, negative man, and at worst a sadist who wants to put you down and incline you to a sado-masochistic sexual relationship.
Any normal man tries to do something nice for a woman to win her over. It is only pick-up men that make women’s brains melt from various contradictions and negative emotions. Women get attached to a pickup because they want to figure something out, to get revenge, to prove something, to get their self-esteem back, which they have carelessly tied up with a strange man. The picker uses all these emotions to induce a woman to have sex, services, or just humiliate her by thinking to himself that here’s another one caught, thinking of me, wanting me.
Of course, not in all cases when a man is silent on a woman’s attention, he is a pickup artist. Manipulative techniques must be learned to distinguish between simply not wanting to communicate with you. This is not difficult. It is enough to sit on a dating site for a few months, as well as to read any book about pickup, about methods and techniques, to learn to see these “men”.
What does a sadistic manipulator think about when he suddenly cuts off communication? About putting you down and disorienting you. In such a state, you are more likely to recognize him as a dominant and offer yourself as he pleases. He will look, appreciate and accept or refuse, and your self-esteem will be lowered either way if you fall for this ploy and give the manipulator the right to humiliate you.
By cutting off the dialogue or not responding to a woman’s request, the picker is dragging her into an internal conflict. She begins to have a dialogue with herself, trying to resolve the conflict, and not finding a solution, tries to find an answer from the picker. This is what the pickup artist is counting on and further draws women into an even more intractable conflict, not giving them answers but drawing them away into the unknown. Such relationships end just as they began, with an internal conflict for the woman or a gestalt. And this conflict may be so intractable that the woman spends her energy on it for many years, trying to find an answer. But she cannot find an answer because she no longer has the opportunity to talk to this man. And she herself cannot cope because she feels the damage this man has done to her, but she cannot understand why she is attracted to him.
So immediately correctly assess such attacks and stop them, do not develop a relationship and self-doubt. Better, on the contrary, assess it unequivocally negative and at the first non-response to your question, do not write anything else.
In order that your self-esteem is not hurt, you should not ask for anything or hint that you want a rapprochement. If a man is silent, also keep silent, if he provokes, refuse to communicate, recognizing him not worth your attention. Better yet, put him down in response, only subtly, unexpectedly, so that he feels, and only, of course, if you are sure that he is a pickpocket. Lose interest in him. And if nothing better comes up, then expose him, write that he is a ridiculous pick-up artist. That’s when you’ll feel a rush of energy, and the conflict will resolve in your favor. It sounds rude and unfeminine, but it is effective and will help you get rid of the so-called “victim complex.
Victim complex – and this is a doubt, when a woman is not sure of herself. Almost all women are prone to this complex to varying degrees, and pickup artists make it worse by artificially inflaming the emotions and ignoring women’s questions and doubts. And notice how men immediately start snapping and being rude if a woman manages to hurt them. They immediately try to get rid of the negative emotions, they don’t want to carry them around, and women spend years going through these emotions, wasting energy, ruining their lives.
If the picker is silent on your blow, it doesn’t mean that you didn’t manage to hurt him, just that he is restrained. And whether your blow was effective, you will feel on your internal state, it will improve dramatically, you will return to self-confidence. And do not feel sorry for them, such “men”. Let them feel what it’s like to get kicked out of the blue. How else to call the actions of pickup artists when they suddenly become unavailable, do not respond to a question, etc. Pickupers do not pity women and make them suffer at every opportunity, so women need to do the same with men, let them suffer too.
Men who flirt with a woman and cannot ask her out, but instead try to prick her, to hurt her self-esteem – this is a trend of our time. Although, I remember in the second grade in school we had a boy who would come up to the girls, draw a pen on his white apron and run away, or pull the girls’ hair and run away painfully, and all the girls in class dreamed of getting back at him, and some would run after him to pull or hit him, too.
Of course, it’s not necessarily the case that all these picker-uppers are sadists. It’s just one of the seduction tactics that short-sighted men who have been trained to do this follow to get women, because they do everything according to patterns. And since women also react in patterns, pick-up artists don’t see anything wrong with that, on the contrary, they are convinced that there is no other way to hook stupid women. Also, they do not see much difference between women, today one is, tomorrow the other will mature and come running herself. And pick-up men do not know what women have in their souls, they think that women are wind-up brainless dolls, and if you wind them up or turn on the right button, they want sex, but if you do not turn on, they want money.
Pickup artists are full of superficial pro-lifers. Women in love are very intimidating to these pickup artists, they get lost and run away like boys. They are not taught on the course what to do about it. The universal answer to any force majeure is to lie down and keep quiet. There are very nice and seemingly harmless pick-up artists, they bribe women with their lightness, cheerfulness, charm, but then inevitably hurt them with their superficiality. The movie “Handsome Alfie or What Men Want” starring Jude Law shows well the lifestyle of such an average pickup artist and the problems and frustrations he encounters.
Pickup artists love to have their photos taken in a restaurant with a plate of food in front of them and a waltzing face. There are a lot of such photos on dating sites. The theme of food in general is often played up by pickup artists. They treat the girl as food and try to provoke the same instincts and sense of hunger so that she has the desire to jump in and eat it.
One pick-up artist, for example, writes to all the women that he likes theaters, impressionists and delicious food. It subconsciously influences animal instincts and triggers thoughts of sex. I asked him in one of his correspondences: “I wonder if eating good food is what? What do you eat if you write about it as a virtue?” To this he found nothing to answer. He wrote that he was all about flaws and I would have an easy time with him. Pickup artists make you want to get to know them because understatement or going off-topic intrigues women and allows you to imagine and paint any image you want.
Some pickup artists take pictures in emphasized dominant or relaxed poses, displaying their dignity in tight jeans or their lower body in the foreground of the picture. This is probably analogous to the way women display their breasts and plump lips in photos. Sometimes, in general, to the point of ridiculousness – in a man’s profile photo, you can see only his legs or one leg and a hand holding the wheel.
Men’s legs in the frame is not accidental, it subconsciously leads a woman to think about sex, especially if the legs are impressive, muscular. In order to possess a female, the male in the animal world often needs to have strong legs to catch up and pounce. It is not for nothing that they say, “the rooster stomps on the hen.” In the same way, the male demonstrates to the female that he will “stomp on her” when he puts his legs forward.
By the same, purely animal logic, male pickers like to show a woman their hands, if they are beautiful, not small, strong, tenacious, they like to decorate the wrist with expensive watches. On the photo of such a male, you can often see a waltzing hand in the frame in addition to the same face in a half-turn or in full-face with an alpha-male grimace. At the same time, he can start a correspondence pretending to be a modest, polite boy.
It’s amazing how some pick-up guys twist and turn to show a girl how “scared” they are of quick sex. They may make up a story about being hurt by women and that they will now be careful and do not intend to move quickly to sex. They may ask the girl warily why she offers to meet so late, and shouldn’t she be rushing home in the evening. All this is done to make the woman think he is safe, and that there will be no sex until she wants it herself.
Many girls say to this behavior of the pickup, “Don’t worry, I won’t hit on you.” This is exactly what the pickup artist wants. This makes it easier to drag the girl home later under some plausible pretext. Sometimes pick-up artists deliberately delay sex in order to bind the girl more firmly. But that’s a separate topic, sadistic manipulation of sex.
Pickupers are never honest with women, do not open up to them and keep them at a distance. Pickupers don’t trust women, they believe that as soon as they let their guard down, open up to a woman and let her close into their lives, she will immediately fall out of love with them. Therefore, they try to maintain sexual attraction in their mistresses, limiting their communication and setting strict boundaries around their person, the importance of which they tend to skillfully overestimate. Pick-up men themselves try not to fall in love, as it is considered a weakness in their world, not worthy of the title of “Alpha male”.