The principles of normal self-esteem: how to raise it and begin to value yourself

It is not easy to live with low self-esteem. Lack of self-respect and constant lowering of self-esteem are harmful to personal life and career. However, psychologists assure that you can easily improve your self-esteem and learn to respect yourself. How to do this, read in this article.

The statistics is such that even the salary depends on the level of confidence. Employees who chronically do not believe in their own strength receive much less than confident colleagues. That is why you should never be afraid to move forward with your underestimated self-esteem. Even the most outstanding individuals pass through this fear. Thomas Edison, David Bowie, John Lennon – all of them were terribly unsure of themselves and did not believe that they would succeed. However, they did not fold their hands, but continued doing what they did. Now their names are known to the whole world. It is quite real to build up self-esteem. Let’s consider how to do it and what to avoid.

What is self-esteem

This concept includes assessment of oneself, one’s abilities, external data, capabilities, potential, positive and negative qualities. This is not a fixed value, it changes during life. And it is not always in direct proportion to the real achievements of the individual. It is rare when a person is able to objectively assess himself or herself. Even the most talented people become victims of self-criticism, pessimism and the pursuit of an unattainable ideal.

To check how confident you are in yourself, look at the following list. Psychologists highlight such characteristics of undervalued and normal self-esteem:


dissatisfaction with his appearance;

dissatisfaction with life, work, environment;


constant fear of making a mistake;

painful reaction to comments from others;

need for approval;

life by stereotypes;

habit of resentment;

envy and jealousy.


Confidence in your strength and external data;

acceptance of one’s own shortcomings;

the absence of unfounded fears;

ability to accept criticism;


having a strong opinion on different issues;

desire for development;

the ability to enjoy their lives.

Unfortunately, we do not always have the qualities and skills we would like. It is possible to remake yourself all your life, trying to achieve some ideal. But it is better just to assess reality objectively and accept ourselves as we are.

How to raise your self-esteem

  1. Stop apologizing

You do not need to apologize for everything. Especially for something that is not your fault. Even if you are late, instead of “sprinkling your head with ashes”, it is better to just thank the person for waiting.

  1. Get involved in sports

A simple and useful way to become a better version of yourself.

  1. Keep an eye on the image

If your clothes, shoes, hair and other components of the image are always in order, you will definitely feel confident.

  1. Do not linger in the comfort zone

The best way to overcome fear is just to do what you are afraid of. For example, by forcing yourself to talk to a complete stranger, you will understand that you should not be afraid of communication.

  1. Learn new things

The more skills and knowledge you gain, the sooner you will stop considering yourself a short-lived loser. Even minor success in a new business will motivate you to continue.

  1. Celebrate the good

Man is arranged in such a way that he always focuses on the negative. In the past it was an important survival mechanism, but today it makes no sense. On the contrary, the ability to notice the advantages even in the most difficult situation will help you in life. Psychologists advise you to write down all the good things that happened to you for a day or a week. Learn to see the bright side and rejoice at success, without focusing on the bad.

  1. Appraise yourself objectively

Make a list of all your weak and strong character traits. For each minus, try to find the plus. If it is difficult to name the qualities yourself, ask your family or friends for help. The list of drawbacks will show you what to work on in the future. And the list of advantages should be re-read every time it starts to seem that you are worthless.

Things that harm a healthy self-esteem

The desire to please everyone

You do not have to meet the expectations of everyone around you. This is impossible in any case. By trying, you can finally ruin your self-respect. Just do not pay attention to someone else’s opinion and be yourself. You will see, it is much easier and more comfortable to live like this.

Non-acceptance of criticism

At the same time it is not necessary to close completely from others. For sure, there are people whose opinion is really important for you. And also professionals who can give good advice on how to improve your results. Constructive criticism, expressed in a benevolent manner, should be if not accepted, then at least listened to. The key rule of constructive criticism is that it concerns only the situation, but not your personality in general.


There is no need to constantly convince yourself. Neither that everything is terrible, nor that everything is great. In life, different things happen, both good and bad. And you need to be able to respond to them correctly. Somewhere to learn a lesson, somewhere to be happy, and somewhere just to let go and go.

Defeat in advance

It didn’t work out now, so next time it won’t work out, all the more so because you think and put your hands down. But it doesn’t work like that. Failure is not a proof of your helplessness, but a source of experience. Analyze what you can do better, and a new attempt will lead to a different result. You also cannot project your defeats on other spheres. For example, if you can’t sing at all, it doesn’t mean that you can’t master the dance. You just have to try.

These basic principles are quite enough to make your self-respect begin to grow. However, it will take time to become truly confident in yourself. Just do not give up and keep developing.