Why men need mistresses: the reasons for cheating
It is unlikely that women will ever understand why men cheat on them. Strange but true: husbands, sometimes, have mistresses, even if on the family front, all is clear. The question is, why? After all, they say: “the third is superfluous. However, in spite of the proverb, this side of the triangle still appears. About why men need mistresses, our article today.
From this article you will learn:
What are the reasons why a man gets a mistress
Why a happy marriage doesn’t always prevent a man from having a mistress
What mistresses think about the causes of male infidelity
How to be sure that a man has a mistress
Top 6 reasons why men need mistresses
Is it possible that the representative of the strong sex is not satisfied with something at home, if he thought to find a connection on the side? His wife stopped liking him, or he suddenly fell in love, and now all in dreams of secret dates with another? Or maybe he’s already seriously planning his life in a new family?
Marriage is not always perfect as a monolith, most marital unions are not too perfect architectural structures, sometimes they even look like houses of cards. One day there may come a situation where all of this fragile structure will collapse at the slightest misunderstanding, and all attempts to recreate it will be doomed to failure in advance. Then one of the spouses (most often a man) may easily decide to get away from the problems by cheating.
Why does this happen? What is missing in your own family? The psychology of men: why do you need a mistress.
There is no novelty in my relationship with my wife. Banal, but this is the most common reason for “going out. So it happens because family life turns into a routine, there is no joy, novelty, it increasingly grows into a dull duty, duty. Where to find a holiday in the midst of everyday life? Man begins to look for a parallel relationship, justifying that they are “wings. In addition, adultery allows you to escape from the daily bustle, and some risk gives spice and new sensations in life. In this case, the feeling for his wife may even break out with renewed vigor.
Falling in love with another woman. No one has yet been able to explain love from a rational point of view. There is nothing predictable about it. Except, perhaps, for the fact that the current relationship is, at best, in decline, and at worst, on the verge of a permanent breakup. The pair of once loving spouses no longer have anything in common. Falling in love with another woman does not arise against the background of constant family quarrels, as some mistakenly believe, because “the naughty swear by the naked eye. It comes at a time when the relationship has already developed a very large crack.
Search for support on the side of the mistress. Even a very beautiful appearance, well-groomed and charming woman can not guarantee that she will not be cheated. Yes, any man is impressed when there is a dazzling beauty and sophisticated lady, but if there is no trust and emotional closeness, his partner will try his best to fill the emptiness. Also, he will need a mistress for self-assertion purposes. Next to an ordinary, unassuming woman is easier to feel his own importance, to relax.
If a mistress contributes to the obvious benefit. It is no secret that a career for men means more than for women. For the sake of a career, some men can sacrifice a lot, including not hesitate to cheat on his girlfriend. They are quite capable of using their charms on the right “object” in order to achieve an important goal.
For the sake of image (“every man should have a mistress”). It also happens that the status dictates the manner of behavior. People who occupy high positions of power also have mistresses corresponding to their status. The opinion of the wife in this situation is not taken into account, the main thing is that the passion should be effective. She emphasizes in the eyes of others the status of the man and his taste. This stereotype is held by the representatives of the stronger sex, who are not prone to true feelings and fidelity. They are more worried about what others say than their own opinion.
To compensate for the lack of respect in the home. If a wife is used to display an indifferent and contemptuous attitude toward her husband at home, he will always be happy to go somewhere where he will be applauded for fixing a faucet and laughing at his jokes.
Why a married man needs a mistress
Of course, one can go on for a very long time listing why men need mistresses. Justifications and explanations for cheating by physiology or stereotypes are really nothing more than pathetic attempts to fit a big problem into a small scheme. Not all men are hardened males, not everyone is polygamous and only dreams of having a mistress. There are those for whom the ideal is a stable family and fidelity to his chosen one.
Some of the mistresses are convinced that a normal husband would never “go left” if he had a good wife. Alas, this is far from the truth. Even a woman who consists of only virtues cannot be one hundred percent sure that her partner will never cheat on her. And the reason is not at all that “the man is a male.” Just that all people are different, and in family life there are “ups and downs”. Rare family is always quiet. Even in the most exemplary unions there are inclement weather: the recently cloudless horizon is suddenly covered with gloomy clouds, lightning flashes and freezing rain showers.
Domestic problems and affairs in this case may help to escape reality. The woman is the keeper of the hearth, and she has to take care of keeping the fire burning in it. The man, on the other hand, is selfish. If he cannot find warmth under the warmth of his home, he looks for a place to warm up. And he who seeks, he will always find. Somewhere nearby, a lonely woman is waiting for him, ready to shelter and warm the wayfarer. And he no longer wants to leave her. So the betrayal is committed.
Suppose if there was a scandal in the family, it is still understandable why men need mistresses. My wife is too principled, my husband wants sincerity and human warmth, and here suddenly there was a lonely, ready to listen to passion. She does not ask for anything, does not expect anything. In a shelter with a mistress man waits out the end of the family storm. How can you logically explain the treason, when everything is quiet at home, and the wife is quite intelligent and quite attractive? Why is it necessary in this case, “go left”?
Let’s look into it. This is the other side of treason of the stronger sex. Many men tend to over-idealize the beautiful ladies. Strangely enough, but this trend is not so rare in our age. Men unconsciously strive for the poetic image invented in childhood and look for it in all the women they meet. Having imagined that the companion is the desired heroine of their dreams, they are quickly disappointed, because family life is not a fairy tale. One day the man suddenly realizes that his wife is an ordinary person. And she does not live like a fairy, but like everyone else: she eats, sleeps and meets the needs of the body.
This discovery saddens the romantic idealist. If a “beautiful stranger” gets in his way, she can quickly take the vacant place of a mistress. It seems to the man that now he has really found his dream. Of course he has! He hasn’t seen this woman in a family setting, after all. She carefully prepared for meetings, about everyday problems does not even mention, takes care of herself, in an old washed out robe and curlers in front of him not paraded. An angel in the flesh, isn’t she? The charm will not last long. As the classic said: “Love boat broke on life. And the man is ready to find his beautiful lady again, but will he stay with her long?
This is quite a common type of male infidelity, it should be noted. You can’t envy the fair sex woman who got the husband-seeker of the beautiful lady. Her share is not so pleasant. Any deviation from perfection is enough, and our hero will be disappointed. In principle, if you try hard enough, you can hold such a high bar, but is it necessary, because it all costs a lot of effort and nerves. It is difficult to constantly pretend not to be what you are. Sooner or later something human will appear, because you do not have wings. And who knows what then will do your offended in his best feelings beloved. At best, go into himself, and at worst – will go in search of his unattainable ideal. Unknown.
Okay. Why men get beautiful and sympathetic mistresses, we seem to have sorted out. But it is not so rare that a rival is both in appearance and in character very much inferior to his wife! What is the catch here? The traditional family assumes that the man in her – the breadwinner and a reliable protector. Any normal representative of the stronger sex is ready for this role and tries to meet the requirements. Alas, this is not always possible, and for fairly objective reasons: the money is not enough, the career was unsuccessful, some problems can not solve, despite all efforts. Man does not feel its importance, even if his partner does not make him any special requirements and is trying to treat the situation with understanding. He thinks he is to blame for what is going on.
But then suddenly there is a woman who adores and downright worships him. She does not demand anything, does not force him to do anything, admires everything that the “knight” does. Responsive affection from him can not wait long. Lady of the Heart – like an antidepressant: Here’s another explanation why men need mistresses. A man feels the peace and harmony next to her. Mistress is always happy to shelter him in their cozy hole and give their warmth. Here it does not matter whether she is better in face and figure than the lawful wife or just “Baba Yaga”. The main thing is that the man is worshiped and his ego is satisfied.
Of course, it also happens that men get mistresses just because they are young and pretty, because sex with his wife is not satisfied, because at home quarrels are too frequent and so on. This behavior has been written about many times, the reasons are clear as day. We are still not very clear about something else: why, having a mistress of almost everything he’s dreamed of for so long, the man nevertheless does not hurry to divorce his wife?
The point of view of the mistress: why does the man goes to her?
Here’s what the mistresses themselves think on this subject:
“Men do not tolerate monotony, which is why they need “girlfriends”. And also sometimes the representative of the stronger sex wants to fight with the boss, but, for obvious reasons, does not do it. There is only one thing left: to sublimate it into sex. Why does he come to me specifically? Because then he gets dressed, tightens his tie, and through his teeth tells me how much he hates this Ivan Ivanovich.
And I calmly acquiesce and reply, “Come back tomorrow, I’ll cook your favorite dish, you’ll get some rest.” And he comes back, of course, because he needs to relax. To feel his importance and to think in peace and quiet about what to do. And my spouse won’t say as I do: she has a household and children “on her neck.” The older daughter’s teacher is a fool, the son is in debt again, and the younger daughter wants a belly button piercing. For her, sex is an annoying chore, and only “in the log position.” She is not interested in her husband’s problems at all. She considers them nonsense, not worthy of attention. I, too, do not care about this Ivan Ivanovich, but I do not make it clear, and I have time and energy to pretend. That’s why a man gets a mistress. As they say, nothing personal, just business. That is, in this case, sex.
Unfortunately or fortunately, women are much more selfish than men. How can I put it … We need everything at once, but from one man; men, in turn, also need everything at once, but from different women.
How to make sure that the man has a mistress
First you should always make sure that there is mistress in her husband really, or you “wind up”. Be calm and try to think objectively. You can help our test. If her husband really has a mistress, it will be evident in the following signs:
Appearance. Cheater tries to look “good”, so as not to “lose face” in front of a new passion. His closet is updated, your husband suddenly begins to pay attention to his hair, cologne, clothes, especially underwear. More often and more carefully he shaves. This is especially noticeable if your mistress is much younger.
Coldness. The man becomes indifferent to home affairs and problems. An indifferent look, inattention, unwillingness to hold a conversation – all these are very dangerous signs. Sometimes the opposite happens – guilt dictates behavior expressed in bouts of tenderness. Remorseful adulterers are trying to cover up excessive care and attention that they did not show before. This should alert you.
Decrease in sexual activity. Your husband, who was always very insistent, abruptly stopped insisting on sex. This may indicate that he has found pleasures on the side. Satisfying his needs outside the home, he no longer shows interest in his lawful wife. Particularly active members of the stronger sex manage to maintain an intimate relationship with both of them. Treason betrays unaccustomed ingenuity: new positions, some new skills. The experimenter is trying to bring in family life acquired on the side.
Business trips. Work is traditionally very easy to “cover up. Try to find out the real reasons for the absence of her husband at home. Perhaps he has nothing to justify, and travel is a business necessity. Nevertheless, it is better to make sure, because this is the most common way of excuses.
Dwindling financial income. The man seems to work a lot, but the money does not get more. If he has a mistress, then part of the income will go to the courtship: bouquets, candy, all sorts of gifts. The unfaithful spouse brings home the usual amount, perhaps even less. Ask him “head-on” where he spent the money, and watch his reaction. But do not rush to accuse, you may be wrong, and your husband is an honest and decent man. The cheater will always get out, because he came up with an excuse in advance. It is better to wait until the situation becomes clearer.
Various small details. The presence of a mistress will confirm all sorts of nuances. Found a hair of a different color on his clothes, an unfamiliar smell of perfume, frequent phone calls are warning signals. Examine his wallet: there may be evidence (condoms, receipts, notes). They will help you understand whether your husband is having an intimate relationship on the side.
Next, you must decide whether to fight for your husband or leave him. If the first, it is still worth thinking about the reasons that pushed your loved one into the arms of another, to deal with them and, if possible, to correct them.